1. Even though you pride yourself on not being judgmental, you know you are.
In fact, you're the most judgmental person you know.
2. Your phone's camera roll is full of screengrabs of slightly cringe things your friends have done on social media that you've sent to someone else.
3. And whenever your school friends announce their engagements on Facebook, you send a screengrab to your mum to assess whether their ring is tacky or not.
4. If someone says something mean to you at work, you have a designated bitching buddy who'll meet you in the loo for a power-moan.
"I'd rather have my face and a lower salary than their face and all the money in the world."
5. You play "What would you change?" all the time.
6. And you and your friends have ranked everyone you know out of 10 multiple times.
7. You often find yourself saying "Oh I love your hair", when you actually mean, "Your hair looks different."
8. There are some random things that you know you shouldn't judge, but you do. And you can't help it.
9. And you always find yourself classifying new people you meet as "that kind of person".
10. You randomly impose your own standards on other people.
He wasn't 10 minutes early to work, wtf?
11. And you always pass judgment on how clean other people's houses are.
Especially their bathrooms.
12. You know that some of your opinions would hurt people's feelings, so you only voice them to a very select group of people.
Your mum, your BFF, and your S.O. That's it.
13. But chances are, your siblings share the same opinions.
You grew up together, so you judge the same things. You can't help it.
14. As soon as you see a new person, you instantly assess their outfit.
You're not even that mean inside your own head. You just think they could have done better.
15. If a friend tells you a secret and says, "Never tell anyone," you assume that excludes your BFF, your S.O., your siblings, and your mum.
They won't tell anyone, so it's fiiiine.
16. Sometimes you look at people and just think, "how"?
How have you achieved all of that? How?
17. You know that if the people around you could hear your internal monologue, you wouldn't have any friends.
18. Sometimes, when you can tell someone wants to get into your conversation but you don't want them to, you just ignore them.
They'll just think you can't hear.
19. And whenever anyone offers you ~constructive~ criticism, you're like "purrrrlease, you don't even know".
Thanks for your opinion bye.
20. And if anyone is ever mean to you, you just think, "Oh it must be because they have a sad and lonely life and they are jealous of my happy and fulfilled life."
Which, tbf, is probably true
21. But hey, there's nothing wrong with being a bitch.
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